I should be thankful I am employed and, yes I am, but it's damn near impossible, not to let the staggering emptiness of a job, which requires one to simply stand, smile, and stare at (for the most part) wealthy, spoiled, pretentious folks eating their delectable dinners with complete denial of the world around them, absolutely drive that one out of their head and to the nearest looney bin. It does, although, allow for the mind to wonder but not always to interesting curious places, sometimes places that no mind would want another mind to have to endure. With that being said, I stand and stand and think and think, and the uttering suffering of it all has brought me back around to, you guessed it, these little drawings I post. I've been posting them lately and I have to say, I really like them. I like that they are dumb and are nothing. I use whatever materials I can scavenge around the podium at my hostess perch, little writing pads, post-its to draw on, bic pens, colored pens, sharpies, highlighters, white out, tape, etc. Not only is the time passed at a more frequent pace, but my mind is rescued from the utter depths of what I imagine purgatory to be. I simply draw. I'm not really thinking. I'm letting whatever the pen demands and I just follow along. It's interesting for me to look at the collection of drawings at the end of the shift and often notice how some of the gut wrenching emotions I experienced throughout the night, do seem to read onto the paper. In the past, I've said and really tried to believe how art can be therapeutic in the process alone, but, honestly I never really understood it until the drawings started popping out and I could breathe again. In terms of form, the drawings are simply made but have somewhat allowed me to look into myself, (as I am apparently soul searching), in a more complex way, revealing certain symbols and subconscious images that I am trying to relate to consciously. I don't normally write on this blog and I feel a bit strange about it, as if I'm just talking out loud to myself in a crazy sort of way, which I probably am, but I really just felt like explaining, which I don't normally feel like doing. So I followed along with the rarity of the moment, despite my inescapable run-on sentences and overall ill-fated attempt to write well. thanks for listening?
